Survivor 4: Hyrule
by SageofZelda2000
Summary: Pretty much what you'd expect from the title. It's PG cuz I used the b word which is cool. I also call Zelda a prostitute, using a non-G rated word. Just so you'd know what to expect. Please read and review!


Claimer: I made all the characters in this story. The people at Nintendo actually took them from me.  
  
SURVIVOR 4: HYRULE  
  
Harrison Ford: Hello and Welcome to Survivor 4 from inside the kingdom of Hyrule, my name is Han Solo and I'm here with our contestants Link, Zelda,  
  
Darunia, Malon, Gannon, and the co-host Kevin Bacon.  
  
Tom Hanks: Hi! I could clock this guy in an oscar contest yet I only managed to be a co-host. You're a bitch, Mr. Ford.  
  
Harrison Ford: [chuckles] That's Han to you... anyway, Tom, how about you tell us how this works?  
  
Tom Hanks: Well Han, these contestants will have to tough it out on this island on Lake Hylia, working together or in opposition to scrounge for food. They'll only start off with an ocarina, each of a different magical magnitude. They'll also each start out with a snickers bar from our friends at AT&T.  
  
Harrison Ford: We now go live to that really annoying owl that everyone hates for an interview with the contestants before the game begins.  
  
Owl: Go to hell. Do you well understand the curse I have just said to you?  
  
Yes  
  
No  
  
Harrison Ford: We're live.  
  
Owl: Oh... geez... this is kind of awkward. [awkward pause] Uh... well Link is here right now. So... Link... what's, uh, going through your head, and stuff?  
  
Link: I'm pretty stoked about this whole thing you know? It'll be a pretty good experience for me, to see how well I can take care of my self. I do have a little bit of an advantage  
  
too, you know, I'm kind of the Hero of Time after all. Heh... you can't really do much better than that. Aw what the hell am I saying? I'm just doin' this to get Zelda in the sack.  
  
[equally awkward pause] Did I just say that out loud?  
  
Owl: Hoot hoot! Yeah you did. Zelda, it's your turn.  
  
Zelda: Well I've always kind of considered myself a wild girl. You know, doin' all sorts of... well, no. I do kind of... nah not really. Eh, when I'm really honest with myself I'm  
  
pretty spoiled. This is really gonna suck for me. On the bright side I can just flirt with the guys to keep myself from getting voted off.  
  
Owl: Hoot hoot! You're a whore. Darunia, spill your guts!  
  
Darunia: Well, I'm kinda fat and slow, so I won't be able to do much long term help, but I'm pretty strong, I can lift things. Food wise I'll be pretty good cause, uh, I eat rocks. It's not too hard to, you know, eat rocks. I think Zelda will have a pretty hard time here, cuz uh, no one likes her. Except Link. And he doesn't count.  
  
Owl: Okay so the network says I can't do that "hoot hoot!" think anymore. Anyway, on to Malon!  
  
Malon: Well I'm a pretty hard core cow girl. I can milk cows, which won't help, and I can give random eggs to potentially cute boys, which isn't too much of a compelling  
  
aspect for, uh, this show. Link is pretty hot though, maybe I could mooch off him. Or I could kill him and eat him. That would be another thing to scratch off my list of things to do in life, can't really say I've ever eaten a person.  
  
Owl: Word. Last but not least, Here's Gannon himself.  
  
Gannon: I, well I should do all right. I can take care of myself in the wild pretty while, it's the people thing I'm not too great at. These particular people too have a grudge on me. Come to think of it, I've pretty much tried to kill them all. I hope they don't really hold that whole death thing against me, it wouldn't make for a real, fair contest, you know? I guess that's kind of what I'm stuck with though, especially as the lord of all evil, after all.  
  
Harrison Ford: Amazing. Riveting. You can bet we'll see some crazy action in the weeks to come. This is Han Solo saying peace out!  
  
Note: If you didn't get the "claimer," I was being facetious.  
  
Please review to tell me if I should continue. Thank you! 


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